I have almost forgotten that I have always wanted to become a writer.
The last time I checked, I made a promise to write more often when I get into the public school. I had foreseen that once I got in, I would have more time for creative writing or self-expression because of the lighter work loads. And yet, months after my second employment, I have not even produced a single story draft or a sensible blog entry.
In times like this, you just want to confront and scold yourself for being so utterly unproductive.
And then your other self reasons out.
I was busy with other equally important things like teaching ( spelled as writing lesson plans, checking tons of paper and preparing instructional materials), working out (running and biking) and a little bit of reading.
Then back to your other self.
Isn’t writing also important to you? If you really want to get better at it, then you must make time for it.
Then you realized that you have been so inconsistent with the voice of your pronouns. Then you keep on hitting that backspace key after reading the last six words that you have just typed. You never get satisfied with how you string together those words. Then you open a tab and google if you use that idiom properly. Then you stare at the blinking cursor as you wonder on how this metawriting would…then you can’t find the right English word for it. Now you don’t want to consult the online Filipino-English dictionary, and now you have decided to just leave the previous sentence incomplete. Then the thought of using Filipino comes in because you think you could better express yourself in this language, but you would rather not because you…then you can’t articulate yourself anymore. And you just resorted to reading everything that you have just typed and check if you are making sense or if you’re subjects and verbs are at war with each other. Then there comes the tenses of your verbs which you could never perfect.
Then, you ask yourself, have I been cut out to become a writer?
What can I write?
Can I even write?
These were my thoughts after hearing Dean Alfar’s talk on his Writing and Entrepreneurship journey during Coffee Been and Tea Leaf’s Brew Your Best Year February 21 edition. The speakers shared their stories and inspired us to “discover what’s special about us”.
Aside from speculative fiction icon Dean Alfar, other speakers were the founder of a social enterprise magissolutions.com, a web and software development company with a heart for social causes and advocacies; fitness trainer Bok Santos whose humble beginnings paved the way to his reputation as celebrity coach; and the Vanessa Valdez of the Philippine movie industry, writer of some our favorite Filipino movies including One More Chance.
This was a beautiful wake-up call for us people who have forgotten to mine for a treasure(d) chest of talents within us waiting to be discovered.